Life....

Life….. That’s a small word to cover a vast topic. Tonight I sat on a deck swing overlooking Lake Loveland. As I took in all the beauty that surrounds me, I was able to think. For the first time in five weeks I was able to just process all that has happened. The last month has been the happiest, craziest, hardest, weirdest, and the saddest month of my life. I have learned so much. I have learned that you can work on 3 hours of sleep if you have enough coffee. I learned what it means to be so stressed that everything is funny. But on a more serious note I learned what it was like to not be afraid of who you are. I have always been afraid that people won’t like me. I try to be the prettiest, smartest, and the best, because I am so afraid of not being loved. Well this month I didn’t have time to be anyone special. I only had time to be me. I was working 60-80 hour weeks with only a few hours of sleep. I didn’t have time to do my hair or make-up. At first that made me so self-conscious. I wanted to hide my face. But as it went on I realized that it was ok. Now don’t get me wrong I am not going to look like a slob just because I am now comfortable but rather I am not going to care what people think as much. I was making excuses all week for our crazy behavior because… well let’s face it I come from a very weird family. Although well really don’t always act the way we did this month, we are pretty weird. But now I see people can still “like” us even if we are weird. Although I am pretty sure we scared the crap out of some of them. I am constantly working to become a better person, more accomplished, nicer, easier to get along with, but now I can feel like I don’t have to hide who I am as much. The second thing I learned is that I serve an amazing God. I can’t tell you how much he has done for this project. He amazed my family. He gave us strength to work as hard as we did and with as little sleep as we got. I thought that getting only 4 hours of sleep and working 17 hours would be deadly. But we did it, and with a smile on our face. We didn’t really have any break downs. For the most part it was awesome fun. He also granted me the role of Jessie. I wanted so bad to be her. Without having any of it prepared I jumped into the part. God made me act. None of that was me. There is no way I should have been able to pick up that part like I did and keep up with my other jobs without God. He also brought us help, cast, and locations. I know God is going to do something amazing with this film because he has done so much for it. So all I can say is that God is good. :D :D